To Hear Her Say "God's Got This!"

Some things I will never understand. Others I will try to and fail. Still others, time is the only thing that brings any sort of clarity, cancer being one of those.

My grandfather passed away from lung cancer, but I was still too young to truly understand the struggle he faced leading up to his final days. Above all, I remember my father assuring me that Granddaddy told him that he was saved and knew he was going to heaven. Simply accepting that his eternal future fills him with more joy than his earthly life ever did makes his passing easier to handle.

Then there was my dad's boss' wife. A strong, Christian woman who loved to run and stay fit, all the while raising three wonderful children. She started a Caringbridge blog that kept all of us in the loop as she went through chemo and recovery. Today, she stands on the other end of cancer. She can explain to anyone who asks the answer to the pressing question: "Why?" She brought another cancer fighter to Christ and inspired several with her endlessly positive blog posts.

But this time, not only am I old enough to understand the cancer fight, I am personally struggling with God for the "Why?" 

Mrs. Mary Ann (the strongest Christian woman I know) called me the first week in November. The words "I've been diagnosed with breast cancer" coming from her lips hurt my heart and gave me the choking feeling in the throat that you get when you are trying to hold back tears. Besides those words, Mrs. Mary Ann was her normal self on the phone, as positive and caring as ever, even asking about me and how I was doing. 

Our story goes back to 2009 when Mrs. Tammy gave me Blaire as my little sister in company. Never did I expect my "sisterhood" with Blaire to bring me such a wonderful relationship with the whole family. 

 March 2010

June 2011

December 2010

December 2011

I can not imagine the emotional pain the whole family faced and continues to face through her diagnosis. Even with my small connection to this family, I cried and cried when I heard the news. I hurt. For her. For Blaire and Micah. For Mr. Anthony.

Through my sadness, I began to tell my mom that if anyone has the faith and strength to beat this beast, Mary Ann does. She is such a strong-willed woman with her feet firmly planted in the Word. My mind went to "She doesn't need a 'faith test.' Her faith far surpasses mine and so many that I know. Why am I not the one? Or a person who struggles to rely on God?"

And already, Mrs. Mary Ann and Mr. Anthony are learning to see the good that can arise from the bad. Their complete reliance on Him and constant assurance that God heals inspires the hundreds of us who merely pray on the sidelines. Even before this fight, I could have talked for years about the place Mrs. Mary Ann holds in my heart and the role model she is for me as a mother, wife, and most importantly as a daughter of the Most High. Having a tangible example right in front of me of someone who GETS IT, makes growing to become a stronger follower all the more possible. 

God does amazing things. He brings people into my life who will change me forever- for the better. Not only does He put them in my life, He put me in their home one weekend in October. The more I'm with them, the more I love them, and the more I want to be with them. 

They literally just added me to their family for the weekend, allowing me to attend their family events and introduced me to their friends with such praise (that I certainly do not deserve). Then, attending church with them on Sunday morning, hearing Mr. Anthony preach and Mrs. Mary Ann sing gave me the strength I needed to face the coming week at school (a week that I knew would include many late nights). 

Just being in their presence molds me into a better version of myself, a version I want to be all the time.

For years, I have said that I want Mr. Anthony to officiate my wedding. It's my dream. When Camille was searching for someone, I highly recommended him. I joked (but wasn't really joking) that Camille's wedding must go well or else he may not be willing to do mine. Then to top it off, Mrs. Mary Ann was willing to direct the ceremony- and she did so flawlessly, if I may add. As a side note, neither of them even knew Camille prior to the wedding. They selflessly were willing to be a part of her big day simply because they knew me. 

During the ceremony, as Mr. Anthony prayed, I saw Mrs. Mary Ann standing in the back. My mind drifted to thinking "This is my moment." This is exactly how I want my wedding to be. Camille has my moment!! I pray that God enables my life to unfold fully for His will, but may I make a small request? Can Anthony and Mary Ann be a part of my big day too? I do pray so. 

But first things first: Mrs. Mary Ann is healing. God works miracles everyday and will continue to heal Mrs. Mary Ann. My prayers seem too small to make a difference, but I know that dozens and dozens of people are praying. Putting all our cries together, God must hear a crowd of voices shouting to Him for her healing. 

I'm proud to be a part of TEAM MARY ANN!

Whenever I become afraid or begin to worry (whether about my own trivial worries or about Mrs. Mary Ann), I hear her say her motto for this journey: 

"God's Got This!"

To Mrs. Mary Ann- I love you!

K